Hallowed

Shit I can't believe I'm actually going to post this shit... well I made a promise...

Manic has been kidnapped, Ryan shot my an email, and...

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And I came damn close to murdering Maya last night...

If anyone read last nights post (funny how my only victory so far got like.. no god damn comments) then you already knew I was waiting for her.. I must of been a hell of a sight, splattered in my own blood, and some of Hoody's,  wearing bandages on my head and hands. Wearing an unfamiliar face to hear...

A face contorted by hate...

She dropped her purse and started right for me, I didn't realize it at the time, but she was genuinely concerned, she had no idea that I just kicked the shit out of her partner...

She got half way to me, when I got up and met her half way....

I had this.. well mental image last night of how it would go down, I'd be all smug and throw down something manly like "So I just beat the shit out of your partner, your move"

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Didn't play out like that... I got up, dashed at her, probably still was hoped up on adrenaline, got her by the throat and shoved her into a wall...

I got easily a foot on her, and I weigh about 100lbs more than her, she couldn't fight back... yeah this is the part I'm not pleased with my self for...

The first thing I screamed at her is pretty simple... "I just beat the shit out of your proxy friend, and your going to give me some FUCKING ANSWERS!!"

I think it scared the shit out of her, she could form a coherent sentence, just stammering like "Paul... what... I... What?"

She wasn't crying, she was took scared shitless to cry, scared of me...

Christ did I really do this, I mean this isn't me, I don't hurt women, I know better, at what point yesterday, hell in the last several days, did I stop seeing her as a person, and more as a puppet..

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" I screamed "YOU KNOW GOD DAMN WELL WHAT THE FUCK I WANT TO KNOW!"

"Paul.. I don't know what your talking about!" She had replied in a genuine tone...

I pulled back, and slammed her back into the wall, the rage, the anger I had pent up, I was doing this all with one arm, my right arm was still a bandaged and to sore to use at that point. God, I really kept this pent up....

"DON'T FUCKING LIE!" I screamed. "I Saw you with the fucking proxy when we stopped for food, I saw you with the fucker! The same bastard who attacked me before! YOU FUCKING KNOW HIM!"

For some reason... I held back from outright asking what I wanted to know, "Where is my family"

I didn't realize it at this point, but I think I was crying.... my hand was shaking... I wanted answers, I wanted them back.... And I had the key to getting them back, by the throat....

The realization that I was about to kill her snapped me back, my grip loosened... she gasped for air... god damn it, I was strangling her.... I just stood there, all the strength leaving my limb...

But the illusion was broken, we both knew now that things were not right with us. Not right with me....

To her credit, she didn't run, didn't strike back, didn't even cry.... The moved my arm....just looked at me and said simply...

"You did a pretty bad job at bandaging this up Paul" touching the area over my eye, where I was still slowly bleeding.. "Go sit down, I'll get the Gauss, then we can talk...."

Part two will come later on today... My hand hurts, I need a break...