Paul is gone...

This is Anna, I'm going to try to explain, as best I can, the final fight of Paul Rayfield... I realize now this is why I was involved with Paul, with his story, with his life.

Why after his friends were thought lost, why I met him, and Mike, and Angel, and the Oracle....

I was meant to close out his story, to put write his last chapter....

We didn't leave a note last night before we left to face Antonio, Mike and Angel stayed behind, I went with Paul, Vergil, and Vergil's team, Vergil advised we needed the element of surprise, and given Paul's habit of giving those little "Just in case I die" Messages before it hits the fan.....

Anyways I'm wasting word count, Antonio was held up in an abandoned restaurant, Paul seemed to recognize the place, and gave a sort of rough layout for Vergil's team...

They went in both the front and the back, I didn't see what happened to Vergil's team, just after allot of shooting, and screaming, all the guns went Silent, it was at this point I snuck in, just out of sight....

I saw Paul and Vergil facing off against Antonio, the Black Bokken, was more of, what's the word, a Cestus with a long blade sticking out of it. Paul asked Antonio to stand down

"Sorry, You want Maya alive, you BOTH DIE" Antonio bellowed
"Aw, and here I thought we were old friends Hoody?" Vergil snickered out
"Save it Vergil! You said my only options was for me to die, or lose Maya for good? Sorry friend, I'm opting for a third option, I beat you and save the girl, how does that sound" Paul spoke out in a confident, but unwell tone,

Antonio gave a classic slasher smile "Like Classic you, hopelessly naive."

I can't believe how fast Antonio Moved, Vergil opened up with that rapid fire shotgun of his, and only hit the walls before Antonio actually kicked him out of the building, leaving Paul, with that weird "Fade Katana" trick he had been working on the last few days.

You know, I know the stronger of a blade he could create, the closer he was to his end, and he looked like he was one foot in the grave all day yesterday, big bags under his eyes, pale, he actually looked like his weight was dropping off as he starting to fade away slowly. he looked more like a walking corpse than the strong man we knew him to be.

Anyways Paul's moves were, fluid, almost ethereal, like a man in the peak of health, rather than facing his last hours on earth, Paul was stabbed once in the stomach, and he was bleeding. But Paul struck he last blow, a powerful, deep strike down Antonio's chest. The blade seemed to cut through Antonio's telekinetic defenses.

"I'm real sorry my friend" Paul was crying as he swung down, taking Antonio's head to end his suffering... he let out a cry of anguish afterwards.

Vergil made it back in the building, he looked pretty shocked as well, I mean Vergil called Antonio is "Rival"... I must of figured that maybe he thought that he would of struck the last blow...

Paul picked up the Bokken.... and the creepiness returned with the color in his face. He didn't smile, he didn't look satisfied with himself...

Paul never told us how he was going to get his love back, but he said he had an idea.

Paul shouted "HEY SLENDY, GET THE FUCK OUT HERE, I GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU, YOU BASTARD!!!"

To say he looked pissed, well that was putting it mildly, I don't know how I looked hugging a wall, but Vergil, well his calm composure was gone at that point. "Paul what the hell are you doing?"

Paul ignored him and went around smacking stuff with the Bokken shouting the Slenderman's name, trying to get it's attention.

It would of been okay, let him rant a bit, call out the horrid monster that was stalking us all, and hoped nothing happen, that would of been fine

But we all got a chill, we all looked in the same direction, and there was the god damn monster itself...

None of us spoke, we all felt like we made a terrible mistake at that point, well at least I did, Paul shook off the fear, looking less sick as the Bokken held his soul in place, he stammered for a second, before closing his eyes, finding his center, smirked and spoke

"So you made a deal with my friend over there right? So I'm going to make you a deal right now, this thing" We waived the Bokken tentatively "Well this can hurt you, or pass for hurting you right?, and you would rather see it out of Runner hands I'm sure, so were going to make a trade."

I looked at him, I felt my heart sink, I felt the urge to scream, but I couldn't muster the will to do so... I wanted to tell him to stop, to not do this, we just fought so hard for the Bokken so we could keep him on this earth, he was going to throw it away now!

"Give me Maya, and you can have this!"

Vergil and I was shocked, our Jaws were damn near on the floor when he said that...

The slenderman, without speaking, but clear as day said "Deal"

I blinked out of reflex, and she was there, literally just like that, not coherent but looking around, she saw Paul, Vergil, me, but she didn't speak, the slenderman released her and she took a few steps towards us before dropping to the floor

Paul stepped beside her and tossed the Bokken to the Slenderman, who caught it with a Tentacle... and with another forced Blink. It was gone...

Paul; laughed... then crumpled to the floor next to her, on his knees he cradled her, I couldn't hear what was said, but even in the girls half dazed half crazed state, she smile and mouthed what I saw was "I love you"

Paul started to, I guess the words I'm looking for is "crumble into light", I guess the Bokken not being in our world anymore speed up the process of his fading, they kissed one more time, and he looked at us both and said his last words.

"I wish I had more time" with a tear filled smile....

Then he was gone... he faded completely.

So now you know the end of Paul's story, and the start of ours, I plan on keeping the blog going out of memory for him, maybe he'll find a way to comeback someday, Kinda like Obi-Wan or something. But he's gone from our world.

Maya is sleeping on the couch, she's not talking and is only in god knows what mental state she's in, it's not good.

Vergil I guess volunteered to contact a couple other runners Paul knew to break the bad news. he said he would stop by before leaving, but his mission is over, and he frankly could not stay for long past this night.

The Oracle, left once we broke the news to him, he said "Paul's going to need a guide in the fade" Before leaving, it's kinda reassuring that he's not alone out there.

Angel, Mike, Maya, and Myself carry on, and we'll keep carrying on for now, I'm not stupid enough to believe were out of the woods yet, but we got a bit of a breather for right now, we'll live a day at a time.

We'll live... We'll live.

Dead in days..

So hey, turns out i'm going to be basicly dead in a few days... I knew something was up, i'm picking up the Oracle's training way to god damn quick... I work up this morning and I actually could see through my arm... which... I won't lie, I screamed like a bitch seeing that...

Anna, Angel, and Mike, god this can't be easy on them, there off getting gun training by the Agent I mentioned last post, fucker probbly see's them as cannon fodder... But I won't be taking them with me when it's time, I won't do that to them....

You see, By the end of the week, I probbly will have faded out fully, After a sit down chat with Anna, we both decided that, well, I just can't bring myself to do something as dispicible as impregnate the girl, just to save my own ass... I mean... I ju


***********************************

Anna here

Sorry everyone, Paul's laying down right now, he just had a bad bout of vomiting, and he can't finish this post, so I'm going to finish it for him. He needs his rest right now.

He's right, this is hard on all of us, Paul and the Oracle's plan, is to push Paul to almost the verge of  "death", with the idea that he would become "strong" enough to engage Antonio in combat, with the help of sevral well armed federal agents from this so called "Organization" to take down Antonio quick and dirty... and that with that power running through him. He might be able to somehow pull Maya out from where she is...

The whole idea is stupid, and It's going to cost him his life.... He... He can't survive this... There's really no fucking way he can survive this.... I'm going to lose him!

Fuck... Is this what it means to have to run from that fucking monster! To try an live long enough to die "Well"? It's fucking bullshit is what it is! No one fucking deserves to die, or "Fade" or whatever the fuck is going to happen to him...

I mean what if he saves Maya! He still fucking dies right!

I'm sorry... I'll wrap this up... Paul says that tomorrow night is the night,  Once he's up and moving, he's going to get in a cram session with this agent, and try to hammer out a plan to beat Antonio...

It just feel's pointless....

OH Before I forget, I got told I could link to the Agent's blog... yeah the asshole was monitoring us for a while... Asshole...

A minor breakthrough

So it's been a couple days since my last post, lets get the recap out of the way before I go any further

I'm still "Fading" out, this has been joined by a vomiting some weird material I'm told is "Ectoplasm"
Anna is back to normal, Angel still hates my guys, Mike is still Gun-ho about fighting with me.

So like I said I made a minor breakthrough in training to use my fading out as a power source, we were doing this kind of, odd training, in which he set up a training dummy and had me pantomime trying to cut it  in half. He told me with each swing I need to try and imagine that I am in fact holding a weapon able to cut it.

Well hey trying to cut something with a non-existent sword wasn't working out, who knew right?

The Oracle had me stop, I guess he could tell I wasn't behind it, and then he demonstrated cutting the arm off the dummy with *his* "Imaginary" sword.

He used his willpower, and the power of his connection to the fade, to cut the dummy. 

Well it blew my mind, so I just had to learn to do that, I was to close my eyes, *Grab* the blade I could see in my mind.... He asked me describe the blade, a Silver blade coming to a precise edge, the slight curvature of the Katana, the weight of the blade and how it compared to the weight of the hilt, he wanted me to describe the hilt, made of a white wood material, with blue die wrapping around it, the pommel had the Japanese symbol for "Oni" on it. Because this blade was in my mind, meant to cut demons.

With my eyes closed I gave the weapons a few tentative strikes... he had me imagine, no... not imagine, *believe* that I was holding this sword, believe it will all my heart and soul, I was told to not "Think" this blade was going to strike down the Dummy, I was to *Know* this blade would strike down this dummy.

I swung the blade... and I heard nothing, I knew I was close enough to the dummy to hit it with a real Katana, Dejected I opened my eyes and dropped my hands to my sides, I looked at the oracle who was smiling, he gestured over to the dummy...

Well it wasn't in half on the floor but it had a shallow cut across the chest of it, and I had done that, with a sword that was only real in my head.....

Yeah Mind... Fucking... Blown....


Oh, and to the Federal Agent who offered to help us track down Antonio? I know I told you to fuck off at the time, but since I figured your watching the blog? Fine, I'll let you help us out.

The Death of Manic Muse....

As I promised you all, I'll post here.... not directly, what the Oracle told me about Manic...

In the last post from him, he was gravely injured, trapped, alone... dying.... the last thing he posted, was a message to me saying "See you around Paul"

Manic Muse's body was found abandoned in an dumpster only five miles from where he had been known to stay in London, the Oracle said that he had been... well as he put it "The state of his body left no room for doubt that he was dead"

Shit... I still can't fucking deal with this right now....

He was my friend... He helped Gargoyle in his projects.... I mean... Yeah he was crazy, but aren't we all just a little fucking crazy right now?

He did some bad things, well who in the fuck hasn't at this point? We all killed, we all fought, we saw others fight on our behalf... I can say one thing, at least he was fucking honest about himself, he knew who he was, while most of us are lying to ourselves....

He knew allot about the Slenderman, he was, in no uncertain terms, an exceptional man, who lived... no Survived a hard life, by being harder than it...

...........

I'm going to miss him, I've seen bloggers check out before now, but... out of all of them... I'm going to miss him... He was my friend...

I'm told he's going to be buried under his birth name, which none of us know.... None of us knew his name, so I'm hoping the few people who did know him will take the time to see him off to the other side...

Well Manic, you son of a bitch, when I kick the bucket and see you on the other side, you better have a god damn pint waiting for me, because I'm hoping I'm going to have a few stories to share with you by then.

Questionible Methods.

The Oracle has arrived... Okay he arrived earlier today, I had done some light sparing with Anna, who's pulled her self together, were both sparing with a sense of seriousness now that...

Well now that I'm "Dying"...

Let me paint the picture here, Anna was sitting on a couch next to Mike, Anna is wearing some cat-eared Hoody sweater,  Mike is wearing work shirt labeled "Tower lanes" where he used to work, Angel has her shoulder bandaged heavily, and is wearing a white T-shirt, her arm is in a sling.  I'm wearing my normal black tank top and blue jeans, worn and faded from travel and fighting, at today I'm wearing a bandage over my ruined eye, which I'm doing for Angel's sake. All of us are bruised or hurt in someway...

The oracle on the other hand, is wearing pagan monk robes and looks to be older than us all.

For the most part he talks to us about, well the severity of our situation, but he didn't come over to explain the obvious, he pulled me aside for a bit so we could talk.

The oracle was disappointed about me loosing my anchor, to someone who actually wants to kill me no less. "The only good thing is he has to kill you not let you fade out" he said, however he also said that "However too get you strong enough to survive a fight with that proxy, we need months not days to teach you" So we knew the problem.

"We need to find or make a new anchor for you...."

So yeah, how hard could that be, get some rock, bless the shit out of it, call it good right?

The oracle just looked at me... disappointed "The last Object that was strong enough to contain your soul here, was probably one of the most powerful artifacts of the Creature ever discovered, I believe it's binding to you was what caused the disquieting effect that was surrounding you, we really honestly have no chance of finding a new anchor that way..."

I had to ask him, "Then what can we do"

He looked over my shoulder, at the girls "We could create an anchor"....

To my credit, it took about 20 seconds to get that sick to my stomach feeling as it hit what he said "You want me to impregnate one of them?"

The Oracle, dead serious said "Your have no living souls binding you to this world, your father and sister died in that fire, and your brother...."

"I killed him...."

I had to laugh... I mean it was out of my hands, my body demanded I laugh at how stupid this idea was "Well I guess were really properly fucked then, cause I don't think Angel and Mike are going to be on board with this"

The Oracle said "It didn't have to be Angel.... I'm sure the other one could carry a child as well"

Well I stopped laughing with a coughing fit and stammered out "Wait a goddamn second, she's like... 15... that's not going to happen"

"Well back when I'm from, she would be the perfect age to marry off" The oracle said  very deadpan

I had to ask him exactly when that was, his only response was "Well the year of our lord 545", I had to remind him that in 'The year of our lord 2012' the marring age was 18..

O:"Well lets get her opinion on it"
P:"What?"
O:"Lets... Ask... Anna... How she feels about it"
P:"How-about lets not."
O:"Do you want to survive this or not?"
P:"Frankly I choose death good sir!"

We went back and forth like that for a very disturbing amount of time, when the old son of a bitch actually called her over "Child come here we must speak to you"

P:"No we don't"
O:"Don't be shy it's okay"
P:"BY ALL MEANS BE SHY!!!"

.......... So she walked over, probably out of some kind of spite towards me. "Yeah what's up"

O:"Paul needs to impregnate you"
P:"NO I CLEARLY DO NOT!!!"
O:"Paul there really is no other way, it's this or the Fading"
A:"Wha.. What the hell?"
P:"Look I don't care if the hypothetical child contains the cure for cancer in it's blood, I am not knocking anyone up to prevent my death"
A:"I'll do it!"

We both stand there shocked silent

P:"I said no, end of discussion"
A:"This will save your life though right?"
O:"She's right Paul"
P:"No both of you, there's another way, I can get the Black Bokken back from Antonio, and rebind to it"
O:"Paul right now, you don't stand a chance of defeating the this foe"
A:"And I am NOT FUCKING LOSING YOU PAUL!!!"

Anna's words shocked me silent.....

"I know that if you die to Antonio, your love may live, but we don't know if he's being honest, I know were all here now, and were all alive, I want it to stay this way" Anna is tearing up at this point "I don't care what I have to do to keep you alive Paul I'll do it!"

Shocked, Touched, and Sad, I told her to go back to Angel.... and that we'll find another way...

Then I punched the Oracle

"What the fuck is your B plan...."

The Oracle rubbed his jaw, and smiled... "Well there's one good sign to the Fading, as you get closer, and your soul becomes less and less part of this world, your physical body will gain power, and you'll be able to push the laws of the world back farther, as you get close you'll even be able to pull material, weapons, armor, and the like, from your mind, and from the Fade into this world."

So in other wards... the closer I get to the end, the more power I can throw around, in the morning, he's plans on showing me a few basic things, help guide me in a few tricks he's gained in the last well... 1500 years of himself being native to the Fade.....

But that's not all he had to say.....

"Paul.... There is one more thing" he said with a sad look in his eyes.... "It's about your friend Manic Muse"

The rest of that conversation, deserves it's own post... I'll post one about this soon.

Fading out

It's Paul... Sorry for not finishing that post last time, I ended quite abruptly,  I just didn't know how to finish it.

You see Antonio told me only final thing after he killed Roland... Which the aftermath of that was a story in of itself.

He said "I could kill you now, and fulfill my pact with the Slenderman, but I'm going to give you a chance to think it over, and choose if you want to die by my hand."

He had a sick smile on his face when he said that, that smile it burnt into my sight, but he continued

"Know that if you die by my hand, Maya will live, that was the deal I made, if I kill you with this weapon, Maya will be set free, if I die by your hand, the Slenderman will Kill her.... painfully.... in front of you, if anyone else kills me in the intern, well she'll be lost to this world forever..."

It's a sadistic choice... Damn sadistic... I die, she lives, I live... She dies....

I asfk wfasgfgggeeasdgf  SHIT.... Sorry..... I'm not in great shape right now, That Black Bokken? Well there's one thing about my Stonehenge trip that I didn't mention... My Body and Soul are not bound to this world anymore... not fully... he told me I'm tied to another world, one that lies beyond the path. but not the slender-realm... No this is farther out than the edges of our reality... it pulls me towards it... just not my hand started fading out of existence.... Those books about "The Supernatural" would call such a place the Astral plain. Bermuda Triangle bullshit and what not.

The man I went to see at Stonehenge was called the Oracle, he posted a few cryptic comments on the blog under the ???? guise in the past... He told me I had to anchor myself to the world, but such Anchors loose power during powerful cosmic events, like a Galactic Alignment that was supposed to happen in December of this year.

Now that I'm unbound to my Anchor... The Black Bokken... I have... At best a few weeks before I fade into that other world fully... maybe with training I could return from time to time, but... Well... the Oracle said it took him a few hundred years to learn how to Manifest in this world..

I got a few weeks to save Maya, and Maybe Antonio, and rebound myself to my Anchor... I don't know how I'm going to do it all... I called for the Oracle, He'll be here soon, hopefully he'll have some answers.

Ambushed

Roland is dead....

Angel was baldly hurt.....

Anna's not speaking right now, I think she hit her emotional limit...

Mike went... Somewhere, I guess he just needed some time....

Antonio is alive, And he stole the Black Bokken and caused all of the above...

I should explain... sometime yesterday,  early evening, all of us minus Roland was at a park, relaxing and getting caught up, I should have noticed the lack of other people there, the park was a popular one, and even at this time of day there should have been more people, we felt safe, and we let our guard down.

We first noticed something was wrong when I suddenly started seeing other people, looking like federal agents off in the distance, Anna and I had our bokkens because we had planed on getting some practice time in that day,  these guys, I think I heard the word "Agents" rushed in from all directions, Mike, Anna, and I responded to drive them back.

They didn't want us dead, that was clear, they didn't used any bladed weapons, or guns, they had Tazers, cattle prods, stuff that would incapacitate us without harming us severely. We drove them back, but as the last one was about to attack Anna for a take-down.... To put it politely, he imploded violently.

Anna emotionally checked out for a bit at that point, she got some of the agent on her....

The other Agents, fell back in a hurry after that, can't say I blame them, I was trying to make out who imploded that man, when I realized who it was.

Antonio... He's alive.

I ran over to him, with probably the biggest dumbest grin on my face, right when I got close, he pointed his hand at me, and I flew backwards. I had to ask at this point, "What the hell was that about?"

Antonio smiled a sadistic smile, I could have imagined this but I noticed the faint yellowish glow in his eyes.

"Sorry Paul, I'm here to kill you and take the Black Bokken"

I think my stomach hit my toes at that point, Anna and Mike were approaching, I turned to yell them fall back, but Antonio made it apparent why that would be a bad idea, he pretty much threw me at them...

.....

The rest of this gets painful.

I turned and pointed my Bokken at him, screamed how I would not use the Black Bokken, it just wasn't going to happen, I beat him down once with a normal bokken once, I could do it again...

Then my Bokken exploded, as did Anna's and Mikes training sword.

I tried to fight him barehanded, I got kicked in the ribs for my effort, punched in the face...

Antonio made it clear he wanted me to used the Black Bokken... he told me that "The Jailbait girl will die" if I didn't comply, suddenly I saw Anna Freeze in place, whimpering in pain... Antonio was slowly crushing her to death with his power!

I had no choice I reached into my coat and pulled the Black Bokken out, I took my best stance, and got ready to fight, Anna collapsed into a heap on the ground, Antonio had released her like he said he would, then he turned to attack me directly.

Frankly Antonio kicked our asses, Anna was already down, Mike went down quick, I couldn't lay a single hit on him, I swung that damn Bokken as many times as I could, he would just block it with some kind of  Telekinetic shields around his arms, I got no where fighting, Eventually I was tired, battered... unable to get to my feet..

I took one last swing at him, he caught my arm, applied pressure on in causing me to drop the Bokken. Antonio picked it up of course, and it felt like the second he picked it up, that all the evil on earth was just pulled into that damn thing....

Angel and Ryan came running up, Roland pointed his gun at Antonio and ordered him to drop the weapon and get down, hands behind his head... Standard cop stuff.

Roland, I swore at that point he would by the guy who turned the fight around.... I was on my back, Couldn't even move... Antonio just pointed the Bokken at not him, but Angel....

I don't know how to describe the next part... it was like the blade expanded...  in a beeline towards Angel, Roland pushed her aside, but the Bokken tore right through his chest.... and still got Angel in the process, just non fatally....

Antonio killed Roland, and beat the hell out of the rest of us.... I don't know why,

I just don't know why....

Dead Ends...

I spent the last couple days trying to followup on leads on Maya, but I haven't had any luck. I went to place we had gone before, spent half a day reading TV tropes on a bench at the water front in the off chance she went there... swung by our old apartment building, late at night of course. Our favorite hang outs...

Nothing....

I'm starting to think the rumor was bullshit, I really am, like someone was, not baiting me back to Tacoma, I mean otherwise I would have heard something before this, but I get the impression someone is being baited, and Maya is the bait.

Mike, Roland, and Angel have all been minimally involved, the less they get dragged into this, the easier it will be to push them out if shit goes tits up around here.

For now, unless something happens or I'm contacted, I'm going to assume that Maya either wanted space, or the rumor is bullshit.


The thing is, I think I'm being followed as well, I keep seeing this blonde guy, casual wear but screams "I am an undercover agent", It might be unrelated, or it might mean I have a time limit in town....

I'll keep you posted if I learn anything new.

Reconnection

Wow a second post in two days is this what stability is doing to me?

I did my normal morning spars with Anna earlier today, when Michael came out with a  wooden blade of his, more of a European style, I believe a long sword..

Michael is a competitive level Fencer, and he wanted to test my skills like the old days.  I'm going to try to recall what we said, keep in mind were dueling the whole time.

M: "So Paul, lets see if you've been staying up to speed on your training."
P: "I know you don't believe me Mike, but it's all true, there's shit going on I hope I can keep you all out of."
M: "Look it's not that I don't believe you, but do you really expect me to believe that there's a secret war out there between normal people and servants of this monster your talking about"
P: "It seems unlikely right? I mean I didn't believe it at first, I thought I was just going crazy, I actually thought Maya was a stranger, an enemy, and Antonio... forget it, some creepy asshole who was working for them, god I was so convinced of it all"

I took a harder swing than I intended to, and got Michael in the ribs with my Shinai, he steps back for a second holding his side wincing

P: "Well you swordplay is has definitely taken a turn for the aggressive, hey if you need our help you know were here for you"
M: "That's the thing, it's too dangerous, I almost died several times since this started, I would be putting you all at grave risk, you all may very well die!"

I got sloppy and found myself put as sword point by Michael

M: "To late my friend, I talked to Roland already looked into your claims, he saw the report about the Assault on your apartment, your disappearance, allot of people died in your building when that happened, that's the only reason he wanted us to let you stay here so he could talk to you about it."
P: "The man behind the attack is already dead, I killed him, I already told you that"

Michael lowered his wooden sword.

M: "Thats the problem, that's street justice, that's not how things work, I found the news report on the warehouse explosion, there only found one body, but you sounded really and honestly shocked that we mentioned that Maya was back in town. Why is that Paul? Did something happen?"

I sit down against a post, take a long drink from my water bottle, The hurt left was clear in my voice as the words left my mouth.

P: "Maya and Antonio went into that warehouse with me, I was the only one to get out of there, if they found another way out, why didn't they contact me before now, why wait almost two months without a word, Its not like I didn't have a blog or something I could have been found through."

Michael sits next to me, I thought I had seen Angel watching from inside the apartment, I know she doesn't trust me.

M: "Well the holy shit creepy vibe you got going, the missing eye, and the fact you look like a bum, that screams you went through a hard time, maybe they didn't have a means of reaching out to you, maybe they were on there way back this way expecting you to come back here."

Anna came out and brought us both some breakfast, someone made steak and eggs for breakfast, it's been a while since I ate actual food.

M: "Let me help, I don't care if Roland and Angel don't help, the two of us can beat any chalenges that come our way, wasn't that how it was at Atlas?"

We ate in silence while I pondered his words.....

Back in Tacoma.... Shits Getting Real...

We made it back yesterday, I quickly got in touch with some friends, and found couch for the two of us to stay on until we reestablish ourselves in town...

3 friends of mine, all roommates, Roland, a Tacoma Police officer, Michael, who works at a local gaming store, and his girlfriend Angel (I don't think that's her real name) who is apparently a registered nurse...

So, a bad ass, a nerd, and a medic....

It's bad I'm labeling people in terms of combat usefulness, I've been fighting for too long....

Well lets just say there's three questions I'm already tired of...

"What the fuck happened to your eye!?!"
"Where the fuck have you been!?!"
"Who's the Jail-bait?"

Jokingly I answered "Combine accident, Cairo murdering the president of Spain with a fork, and my 'Professional style' student in the ancient art of assassination"

They were not amused.... so I told them the truth

"I got my eye ripped out by a man who brainwashed me into thinking I was married with child, and was also my brother, I was in Pittsburgh hunting him down so I could kill him with a super evil black Bokken, and this girl was rescued from the monster that my brother served, and joined me to get away from an abusive family"

Oddly enough they thought that story was the less likely of the two.... But all of them kept there distance, except Angel who check my eye every once in a while and suggested that I "eat more" or "get more sleep"

 However... there has been one thing I need to followup on... this is critical... A rumor that Roland had told me....

He said that he had heard that Maya was back on town.... I need to investigate this right now...

More nightmares

I'm going to post this straight... take a page from Lucia or something....

Adrenaline pumping, the evil weapon just crushed the head of Ryan, victory at last, but the explosions, I have lived this moment a hundred times in a loop already, I try anything to get them out ahead of me, every time I hear her scream. I hear her scream "Wait!" did that happen last time? Am I making stuff up now?

This time I wait... I wait for her to catch up, she has knife in hand, she plunges it into my stomach, as parts of the warehouse falls, I feel her hand, pulling into my stomach, I feel her pull my guts, I hear her whisper "I hate you" and "You disgust me" telling my in the sweetness of her voice how "You let me die, you failed us both" and "Your just going to let the girl die too"

I lay there, her face contorted, burned half off, most of her hair gone, holding my intestines in her hand, pulling them out slow, Now I see Antonio... half his head is gone, crushed off "You failed us Paul, you should have stayed" 

I didn't notice he was holding my eye... the one I lost, I wonder how "We can kill you now so you can join us" they say...

My only response is "Thank you" as they pull me apart....

Then I woke up feeling a weight on me, Anna was laying on my back keeping me wraped up in my bedroll, I guess I started flailing a bit and woke her up, and she was hoping I'd calm down, she sat up and asked if I wanted to talk about it.

Maya used to do that, and the fact Anna was starting to remind of Maya was really disturbing me.

"There getting worse" I mention

"I can tell" she replies "But you were going to hurt yourself like that"

I tell her about the dream, I'm crying openly, because at some level, I wished that had happened, that I'm just going to get her killed, that anyone traveling with me is going to be killed.

She just listens, then sits by me and hugs me as I bury my head in my hands, having the worst freak out in weeks, the damn broke with the dream... I scream, I rage... I hate... I let all the pain out.... she just listens and understands....

I make an oath... I will never call the Black Bokken out... I will never used that thing I used to kill with... I'll die first....

I know I still have a long way to go, these freakouts are no longer being the little tremors that they were... there like magnitude 8.0 earthquakes....

But maybe that just means I'm finally letting it all escape, to purge the pain from me, rather than let it bleed out.

I don't like not being in control, but I now know what I have to do... I have to go back to Tacoma...

We leave tomorrow....

Peace unfulfilled

It's amazing what sitting against the rock staring at the sea as dawn breaks can do for one's soul.

Anna and I have now been here several days, she's trying to be as supportive as she could be, I still feel like I need to keep her skills up, but it's not for the desperate reasons I had before, it's not out of anger like it was before...

I wonder if I'm coming to terms with everything.

I still have the nightmares, and I still barely sleep... I don't feel like I've done anything to be forgiven for my crimes... I'm still baddy repressing allot of the pain for the sake of being the tough stoic son of a bitch Anna needs me to be right now.

As much as she doesn't admit to it... She's scared..... We both are... I'm scared that I'm going to get her killed... She's scared that her dying will kill me...

Pretty justified all things considered.

We haven't seen any sign of Slendy or any proxies right now... which is good... I definitely don't need that... but about half an hour ago I saw that Sane might be dead right now... Gargoyle is going fucking insane... and Lucia is still burdened by grief...

Then I realize that were going to loose more before the end....

The thoughts make me tempted, tempted to never leave the beach, but we can't do that, were going to have to travel again sooner rather than later....

I have unfinished business of course.....

But I'm not ready to leave... I need more time, and I plan on taking it....

I can't leave here until I can finally close my eye without seeing there faces....