A little place called "Hope"

So... yeah...

I know it seems like I've been distant in recent blogs, writing like I'm observing what's happening rather than my feelings about it... I do spend allot of time writing about shit that's happened...

I guess I'm documenting all of this, in case the worst happens someone can learn from all of this. Anna is okay today... she's been pretty freaked out the last few days of course... we really don't often travel with a destination in mind, just as long as were moving is fine for us... I know a few of you are asking why I haven't mentioned my family lately... Lets just say I'm not blogging everything that happens...

About a week ago... I learned my father and sister were killed in a freak fire at the restaurant... I truly can not go home anymore.... I don't sleep... I don't have proof that they died because of me... but... well fuck it... my pain is not going to written up and put on display for everyone to see.

Dad... Kaitlyn... Antonio... Maya... And everyone else that died around me lately.... I shoulder the blame, even if it wasn't my hand that killed them....

It's hard to type.. the kid went to sleep early.. and sometimes I can't express my feelings well... this is one of those times....

Since February everyone I cared about, real or otherwise, has been taken from me... It was with this in mind that I decided I had to teach Anna probably the most important lesson I could teach her, and to do this, We having driving to Austin Texas for the last week or so...

We drove to the place once called "Hope". For those of you don't know about this place, Hope was once the a summer home, gifted to the now deceased runner Elaine. Honestly it was kinda like Antithesis, only for Runners It was supposed to be the perfect rest stop for Runners needing a place to be... yet today, we walked through the still burnt out shell of the place... walked amongst the ruins...

Anna asked me what happened as I sat down in there, took a drink from the flask I stared caring on me, shit can you blame me for needing a drink now and then? Helps the Stimulants I'm taking go down better, I told her the truth, this place, was a place for hope for Runners... sure the person who set it up was an idiot... but there were good intentions here....

She asked me how it ended... I told her the one mistake Elaine had made... She trusted a Proxy... A servant of the Slenderman to keep the place safe, she made a deal with the same assholes hunting us, and she broke the deal...

"As you can see kiddo... This was the result... Allot of good people were killed by the Slenderman and his servants.... We don't make deals with them... this is the only way it can end"

Anna sure gave me a stern look wanting me to explain Lucia and Ryan. What the fuck was there to say... yeah they made a great couple, and on many levels, I considered her Ryan to be the exception to the rule, d I wished nothing but the best for Lucia... but her boyfriend made a living by killing Runners, when a blog stopped suddenly, there was a good change someone like him was why.

Hey you guys wanted me to open up with my emotions, to get it out of my system? Your going to read it as I see it, I don't give a fuck how much I had to drink tonight... fuckers like them killed Maya... they killed Antonio... They try to kill Anna and I on a pretty regular basis...

You guys want me to stop seeing this as a fucking war, to realize that there are not different sides to this? well lets do a comparison between war and our situation... We have a clear enemy who would kill us in a heartbeat, kill us because there leader tells them to kill us, we see our friends die daily, we fight, or we die... just because we don't have a fucking flag and a little boy with some drums, doesn't mean this isn't a war.

I know this now more than ever to be the truth...

Hey I'm sorry, not all of us have working relationships with them, not all of us can get away with working "Fosters home for Brutal Violent Slenderman Powered Murderers".

Anna's pissed, wants me ease off the drink... hey this is the first time in days we didn't have to get up and drive first thing in the morning... I'm having a fucking drink tonight.... what about Antonio? Wasn't he a proxy she says? He choose to betray them for us, as far as I'm concerned, he was a runner with some tricks...

Proxies Killed Maya....
Proxies Killed Antonio ....

Proxies killed "Hope".....

And I sure as fuck didn't ask for any of it, I'm sure Anna didn't either, I didn't want to bury every friend and living family member I had left, before I turned 31.... Do you fucks thinks I wanted to end up a fucking half-dead freak? Wanted my fucking eye gouged out? Wanted this fucking Bokken? I sure as fuck didn't... I wanted none of this.. I wanted a normal life... Just Maya... and Me....

I don't get to fucking have that now, so excuse me if I get in the Habit of killing the type of people responsible, and for teaching others how to kill them... Sane was right, I needed to stop blaming myself... I needed to start blaming them..........

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This is Anna... he just tossed me the tablet and went off into the dark.. away from camp.... I guess he wants me to wrap this blog post up... he's really not himself tonight... sorry if he offended anyone but he just learned his family died a few days ago... and well I don't know how much more of this he's going to be able to withstand

I'm learning to fight, but I know at times like this I keep him alive... He's honestly self destructive, but he won't die and leave me alone...

Don't be to harsh on him... He's all I have left, and I'm all he has left... we really do take care of each other the best we can... he did admit to me that the day he found me... he had plans on killing himself in those woods if the Slenderman didn't find him... He saved me life and I'm saving his everyday... but hell lets face facts, in the short time I've known him, he's been a better "dad" to me than my real "father"... anyone who gives Paul shit has to deal with me too now.