Truth

Maya Had apparently lied about contacting Hoody while I was in Levenworth....

She somehow thought this was a good thing, that I wouldn't freak the unholy fuck out about this at all.

She got lucky....

Lucky I don't care the god damn gun around the house or I would probably have to explain why I shot a got damn teenager who showed up at random at my door, completely unarmed and wearing a hoody...

Well my last name is not Zimmerman so I don't think I would have gotten away with it, hey I just wanted you all to know I was thinking of the unfortunate implications of what I'm typing.

So anyways, I learned they were in contact, while Maya was forcing me to watch damn near clockwork orange style some bubbly anime about Japanese girls in high school.

Then again she introduced me to some show called Berserk, so yeah it's not a complete loss.

Anyways, back on topic, she actually invited Hoody, without telling me, while you know, I'm still... What's the word.... Oh yeah, FUCKING PARANOID, about the idea that I potentially false memories of a missing family, and the guy I suspected was the cause, showed up at my door..

So I of course opened the door, saw him there, whipped a switch blade out, and took a pose that screamed "Fucking bring it"...

It really does occur to me, that I have way to many god damn weapons around my apartment, I mean I've had most of these from before it hit the fan around here.

His rebuttal was to hold up a bag containing a 6 pack of root-beer and ice-cream, and a copy of the Wii game Dokapon Kingdom..

I swear to god if If this had happened yesterday, none of you would have believed me.

So I put the knife up, I mean if he brought video games and the ingredients to Root beer floats, then hell I'd had better let him in.

I mean the whole thing was a bit awkward, Hoody was... well quiet... Maya was gloating in the fact she had been kicking my ass, it wasn't until the second float of the night for me, and the third time Maya had shaved my avatar's head and renamed my character "COCKMONGER" (I'm not making this up, the girl anit right) did we actually start talking.

Antonio came out and said that he wasn't the one behind what happened to my family, but he knew who was, but he didn't want to tell me who it was, something about me "Not being ready" and was unsure if I knew this second proxy or not.

I polity let him know that I only knew one Proxy, and he just jacked another one of my towns, and that I would get that fucker back once I unlocked my demon form thing (I'm still not making this up, this game is awesome)


At the end of the night, Hoody had left, leaving Maya and I alone. You know while he was in my place he had his hood off, and only put it back on once he left, he had the Tattoo like Maya and I do.

 I asked Maya in the calmest most understanding tone this question can come off as "Maya seriously what the fuck?"

She had replied simply "What did you want me to do? Hide the fact I was in contact with him? Especially when he's the closest thing we have to someone on the inside? We need help if were going to find out what erased your memories."

Frustrated slightly I stated "How do we know it was my memories that were altered? It could have been yours that were altered for all we know"

Maya stepped into my personal space "What do you remember Paul, tell me" She put her hands in mine and looks into my eyes "Please..."

I'm some-watt pissed off at myself for what happened next... I gave into this to easily... if she's the second proxy... then I was playing right into her plan...

"I... remember... a Wife.... and a Son.... Everything was different" I cringe when I realize I had let it slip. but at the same time it was a relief to let my self admit that I remember my family, even if I'm the only ones on earth to remember this

Maya to her credit, well she really is amazing, rather than freak out or overreact that I kept this back from her, sat me down on the credits, and holding my hands in front of me as she sat on the floor in front of me, just asked me "Tell me about them Paul..."

I tell her everything, she way her hair would always be in front of her face in the morning, the way my son would saw "I You" because he couldn't figure out how to say "I love you".

I tell her about the wedding, the church it was in, I tell her about the day my son was born, how I carried him all the way to the nursery ward, I tell him how I melted the first time he opened his eyes and looked at me, the cute mewing noise he made, the fact that he snored by the time he was 2.... or the fact that he was barely 6 lbs at birth, and would eat about 3 ounces of formula at a time.

I tell her about my first date with my wife, the first time we met in college, the moment we realized we were in love, the first time we broke up, for all of 6 hours before we were back together, apologizing for it all. I remember the look on her face when I told her I wanted to spend the rest of my days with her.

Maya just sat there and smiles stroking my hand, not upset, but understanding... if she's telling the truth, then she... we probably had to go through this once before with Hoody...

When I'm done unleashing these bottled up memories, she smiles and hugs me, she says she understands now why I haven't wanted to tell her this. She tells me it's going to be painful sorting out what was real, and what was fiction, but I had helped her sort it all out for Antonio, and she would help me sort it all out.

For a second, I wanted to push her back and scream that it was real... but I didn't.... I asked her to tell me about us, our relationship... for the first time I allowed my self to open to the possibility, that my memories are fake.. I really do blame you for this Manic.. but I sit there, hugging her and listening.

I'll post her story, about the day we met later on after I go crash for about 10 hours.

Changing.....

Okay, let me start off this post with a short message to Elaine.....

Thank you for writing in, your concerns are appreciated and will be addressed when the time is right, or never depending on exactly how long I have left to live... Because honestly, I have some serious fucking bullshit to deal with right now, and I'm pretty fucking sure I have long since lost my god damn mind!!!

So remember how I said I was going to give the old in-laws a call to see if they had heard anything back about my wife's disappearance...

So apparently, as far as there concerned... my wife and son never existed..... I mean holy fucking shit, I was not married for 4 years and raised a son for 3 to have them never exist, no sir, didn't happen, and that's pretty fucking bullshit right now!

I mean to listen to my, well apparently never, father in law explain that he has no idea who the fuck I am, that we never met, and he only had son's no daughters, and I clearly had the wrong fucking number... WHAT THE FUCK!!!!

HOW... THE.... FUCK.... IS..... THIS..... POSSIBLE......

So yeah, right now I'm drinking, and very much am GOING OUT OF MY FUCKING SKULL.... Because this shit is not happening... no sir, it's impossible, THEY WERE FUCKING REAL!!!!!!!!

I know they were fucking real, this is god damn impossible, they were real, I'm not fucking insane, they were real.....


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But the worst part of it is... he warned me..., Hoody.... Last time I saw him outside my window... he just wanted to talk to me... he told me "That my world would forever change, and I could adapt to the change, or be destroyed by it"

BUT THIS IS A PRETTY FUCKING MAJOR CHANGE YOU DUMB PROXY FUCK... THIS IS NOT A FUCKING CHANGE, THIS IS REALITY IT-FUCKING-SELF BEING REWRITTEN!!!

 This is god damn impossible.... It's just fucking impossible.... THEY WERE FUCKING REAL!!!! I could feel there hugs, I could hear my son laugh and ask for drinks and say "Thank you" when we gave him something, I can see them in my mind right now, my son chasing the cat, my wife making breakfast... THEY WERE FUCKING REAL!!!!!!

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He took them from me.... That tall faceless fuck... I'll kill him, I will FUCKING KILL HIM..... I'll find a god damn way to kill him..... You read this, you absorb it... BECAUSE HE WILL FUCKING DIE BY MY HAND!!!!!

Breakdown....

Things are pretty fucked on my end, I've found myself, after work today, just sitting, alone in the apartment, staring at the walls....

I've been this way for hours.....

If I had to peg it down to one thing, I'd say it was my coworkers....

All the dead coworkers have been replaced already, it's like the people they replaced were never murdered, even the police seem to not care anymore, they haven't been by the building to gather testimony, or talk to some of our other coworkers... Hell the police haven't even questioned me again about the my familie's disappearance since... Well a few days back, I plan on calling my in-laws this week to see if they have heard anything about it.

It's snowing... It almost never knows in March here, probably won't stick to the ground, but it's not like I need to be anywhere in the morning, how can I be so calm right now? I learned via a cryptic comment that there may be a second proxy in the area. Assuming it was Ryan who left the comment....

So I'm left alone, isolated, ripe for the slaughter... all they need to do is knock on the door,  I have no comrades here, even Nick is gone, suddenly deployed out of state... no reason given,

No runners....

No friends.....

No help.....

No god damn hope...

I have to press forward, I have to live to see them again... My wife.... My son.... I have to live to see them again....

I'll sleep with the bokken, in two days I'll pick up the gun, in a week.... I might still be here...

If they come, they will not find me wanting... I *Must* live... to see my family again....

Manic.....

That's the name of the one other person, well besides Ryan, that I regularly talk to about this whole fucking mess, and, while yeah, he's pretty god damn nuts, he's given good advice so far....

I should really reach out to others like him, I've left a couple encouraging posts on Bondie's blog, who is the guy that M befriended a few months back, but Manic is out of his damn mind, He's hoping to experiment on the Hallowed, to see if he could free them, or understand them... honestly it's over my head by about a hundred damn miles.....

Well if you were following my Twitter feed, then you know the police now suspect Ryan of being at least partially involved in the murders, and more damning, my family's disappearance... I don't believe it, it's not him really....

Ryan and I met in a public place a few hours ago and talked, It pretty much went like this.

R: "Hey look I know you got allot of shit on your plate, but another coworker was found dead today, that's 7, over half our department is dead now"

P: "Who was it time time."

R: "Paula Winfield......"

P: "Damn....."


We had drinks, sat there awkwardly not knowing what to say... then well, I went and addressed the elephant in the room...

P: "The police think your behind it all"

R: "Yeah I figured, I'm the only one without a clear Alibi at this point"

P: "I don't think there going to accept that some asshole in a hoody at the behest of a 10 foot tall faceless man in a suit killed 7 people, and kidnapped my family"

R: "That doesn't leave me with allot of options then, I'm probably going to have to go into hiding or some shit..."

P: "There's a difference between suspecting, and being charged for it though."

R: "Yeah I know, but... Well shit Paul, I don't have a chance of them not pegging it on me, who the fuck else could if have been in there eyes?! They won't blame you because you had the shit pounded out of you once, and your family is missing."

Ryan is right, he's there only suspect right now, everyone else they suspected has been found dead so far... But one brain worm of a question remained, I had to ask it to get it off my chest, it was the reason for the public meetup rather than at my place....

P: "Ryan... where were you when the shit went down... You never made it over till pretty late that day...."

Ryan didn't give me an answer......

Loss....

Okay, so at this point you all know the truth, my wife and son vanished into thin air last night.

No signs of her... The car? missing, hell no one saw it stopped at any point. Traffic cam's are also useless, we see the car pass by one intersection, but the car never passes the next intersection, Between two intersections barely 500 feet apart, my wife, my son, and the car they were in vanishes without a trace

 I would have received some kind of message had she felt like she was at risk.

I didn't get a thing...

Okay so I see what normally happens in this situation, usually there's some kind of cryptic message, some kind of panicked call saying "Oh god something's happening".... Sorry I haven't slept in pushing two days now i'm not feeling creative.

At this point, I feel like a fucking idiot, I mean Jesus Christ, I told her to go to her parents for there safety, I mean it was in the middle of the day, and no one see's a damn thing? No reports about a car fucking vanishing in broad daylight?

I just don't get it.... I don't.... and now I gotta go pass out before I fucking start hallucinating or something.