That Akward moment.....

So I'm breaking my self imposed silence... because we for the first time in a number of weeks we had a good laugh... It actually started when someone asked me a question about our trip to hope...

"So how did you get past the electric fence and wall"

To which I replied, to Anna who was reading as well... "What fence in wall"

Anna started cracking up right away... turned out she didn't have the heart to tell me this. but we actually had ended up in some burnt out shell of a some Basketball players summer home that burnt down a couple months back.....

Kinda undermined the lesson I was trying to instill....

Well that is all, just wanted to get that out of the way... so well... peace out until next time.

It's Time to Rest.....

So apparently it's a good thing we didn't stay in Texas....

Because Yet another person has decided that I've lived long enough and has opted that, well god damn it, it's just time for me to die... Hope he's patient... because it feels like I'm collecting people wanting me dead like most people collect baseball cards.

However unlike most of those people, this one could actually pull it off....

So well I'm taking the advice of others for once... and I'm going into seclusion for the time being... I'm not telling where, but for the sake if what Anna keeps telling me is good for my mental health, I need to do this....

I'm going into hiding, to mourn... I mean properly mourn... No more running... No more driving... No more fighting... I just found a nice place by the water... no people... no cars... barely good enough of a connection to post this.... and I'm going to mourn.....

For Maya....

For Antonio....

For Father....

For Sister....

For Mother.....

For Ryan.... Both of them....

For Manic... if he's really gone forever....

For my neighbors....

For Sara if she was real....

For my Wife and Son... even if they were never real....

For Zeke... for Elaine... and all of those runner I never had the chance....

For Anna... who really didn't deserve this...

For Coworkers who died having never knew why

For neighbors, even if I didn't care for them much....

And for all of us left behind now that there gone......

I don't know when I'll start driving again... I don't know how long I'll need... We got enough food and clean water for a few weeks... And some camping supplies... the car has a charger for our phones and my Tablet...

I just need some rest... for the first time in my life, I feel old... and that's not a good thing.

As of right now....

Anna is hereby mandated to not allow me access to the tablet while drunk....

That is all....

A little place called "Hope"

So... yeah...

I know it seems like I've been distant in recent blogs, writing like I'm observing what's happening rather than my feelings about it... I do spend allot of time writing about shit that's happened...

I guess I'm documenting all of this, in case the worst happens someone can learn from all of this. Anna is okay today... she's been pretty freaked out the last few days of course... we really don't often travel with a destination in mind, just as long as were moving is fine for us... I know a few of you are asking why I haven't mentioned my family lately... Lets just say I'm not blogging everything that happens...

About a week ago... I learned my father and sister were killed in a freak fire at the restaurant... I truly can not go home anymore.... I don't sleep... I don't have proof that they died because of me... but... well fuck it... my pain is not going to written up and put on display for everyone to see.

Dad... Kaitlyn... Antonio... Maya... And everyone else that died around me lately.... I shoulder the blame, even if it wasn't my hand that killed them....

It's hard to type.. the kid went to sleep early.. and sometimes I can't express my feelings well... this is one of those times....

Since February everyone I cared about, real or otherwise, has been taken from me... It was with this in mind that I decided I had to teach Anna probably the most important lesson I could teach her, and to do this, We having driving to Austin Texas for the last week or so...

We drove to the place once called "Hope". For those of you don't know about this place, Hope was once the a summer home, gifted to the now deceased runner Elaine. Honestly it was kinda like Antithesis, only for Runners It was supposed to be the perfect rest stop for Runners needing a place to be... yet today, we walked through the still burnt out shell of the place... walked amongst the ruins...

Anna asked me what happened as I sat down in there, took a drink from the flask I stared caring on me, shit can you blame me for needing a drink now and then? Helps the Stimulants I'm taking go down better, I told her the truth, this place, was a place for hope for Runners... sure the person who set it up was an idiot... but there were good intentions here....

She asked me how it ended... I told her the one mistake Elaine had made... She trusted a Proxy... A servant of the Slenderman to keep the place safe, she made a deal with the same assholes hunting us, and she broke the deal...

"As you can see kiddo... This was the result... Allot of good people were killed by the Slenderman and his servants.... We don't make deals with them... this is the only way it can end"

Anna sure gave me a stern look wanting me to explain Lucia and Ryan. What the fuck was there to say... yeah they made a great couple, and on many levels, I considered her Ryan to be the exception to the rule, d I wished nothing but the best for Lucia... but her boyfriend made a living by killing Runners, when a blog stopped suddenly, there was a good change someone like him was why.

Hey you guys wanted me to open up with my emotions, to get it out of my system? Your going to read it as I see it, I don't give a fuck how much I had to drink tonight... fuckers like them killed Maya... they killed Antonio... They try to kill Anna and I on a pretty regular basis...

You guys want me to stop seeing this as a fucking war, to realize that there are not different sides to this? well lets do a comparison between war and our situation... We have a clear enemy who would kill us in a heartbeat, kill us because there leader tells them to kill us, we see our friends die daily, we fight, or we die... just because we don't have a fucking flag and a little boy with some drums, doesn't mean this isn't a war.

I know this now more than ever to be the truth...

Hey I'm sorry, not all of us have working relationships with them, not all of us can get away with working "Fosters home for Brutal Violent Slenderman Powered Murderers".

Anna's pissed, wants me ease off the drink... hey this is the first time in days we didn't have to get up and drive first thing in the morning... I'm having a fucking drink tonight.... what about Antonio? Wasn't he a proxy she says? He choose to betray them for us, as far as I'm concerned, he was a runner with some tricks...

Proxies Killed Maya....
Proxies Killed Antonio ....

Proxies killed "Hope".....

And I sure as fuck didn't ask for any of it, I'm sure Anna didn't either, I didn't want to bury every friend and living family member I had left, before I turned 31.... Do you fucks thinks I wanted to end up a fucking half-dead freak? Wanted my fucking eye gouged out? Wanted this fucking Bokken? I sure as fuck didn't... I wanted none of this.. I wanted a normal life... Just Maya... and Me....

I don't get to fucking have that now, so excuse me if I get in the Habit of killing the type of people responsible, and for teaching others how to kill them... Sane was right, I needed to stop blaming myself... I needed to start blaming them..........

**********************************

This is Anna... he just tossed me the tablet and went off into the dark.. away from camp.... I guess he wants me to wrap this blog post up... he's really not himself tonight... sorry if he offended anyone but he just learned his family died a few days ago... and well I don't know how much more of this he's going to be able to withstand

I'm learning to fight, but I know at times like this I keep him alive... He's honestly self destructive, but he won't die and leave me alone...

Don't be to harsh on him... He's all I have left, and I'm all he has left... we really do take care of each other the best we can... he did admit to me that the day he found me... he had plans on killing himself in those woods if the Slenderman didn't find him... He saved me life and I'm saving his everyday... but hell lets face facts, in the short time I've known him, he's been a better "dad" to me than my real "father"... anyone who gives Paul shit has to deal with me too now.

We Are Being Hunted Without Mercy

Now that I have your attention lets set up the scene...

It was about two days ago.. Anna and I were watching some bull shit on Tv, when someone kicks the door off the hotel room floor hard enough that it went through the back wall, strangely intact... and he says one thing,


"FATHER REQUESTS THAT YOU DIE!!!!"


And then we both notice the flamethrower... Because yeah, no one in this backwater shit hole thought it was weird that someone was walking around the hotel with a WW2 style flamethrower...  So I toss her in the tub and throw a bed in front of me just before he lets loose hell and sets half the fucking room on fire, we know we can't beat this guy in this tight of a spot, not with that hellish thing strapped to him... Anna was faster on her feet than me, and went out the hole in the back of the wall, and to be fair, for falling about 20 feet landed well, only a few small scrapes.


I land after her and roll to put my coat out as it caught a bit of flame as I went out the window....


The crazy fucker, wearing about 60 lbs of napalm on his back actually jumped out after us, I had my Bokken our by the point, and Anna and ducked behind a parked car... To say it was tricky getting in close to the asshole was putting it mildly, I just couldn't close distance before the flames drove us back.... I thought we were truly and properly fucked....


The Bokken disagreed... I felt that tingling in my arm... it was growing into me again... feeding my limbs with strength... but I still don't know at what cost... I felt myself slip slightly out of control and more into instinct... I leaped, must of been about 12 feet in a single bound, right into striking range, and with one swing,  the Proxies arm came off... I mean the whole fucking thing tore off him at the shoulder... I know it's not possible for blunt for trauma from a normal person to inflict this kind of damage, unless it was strapped to a fucking train..... The second swing, even less under my control went for the head... It fucking exploded off of him....


We had to leave right there and then... I tore the bokken out of my arm again... and yeah it hurt just as much as it did last time... I looted a sawed off shotgun and some shells... 12 gauge slug rounds... and a few flechete rounds which, are restricted in several states, and are holy shit expensive, about $20.00 for a 3 pack, and this guy and about 20 shells of these. to put this in perspective, about a 12 slug rounds cost about $15.00 or so....


Anyways, I took the gun, I wasn't getting caught off guard like that again by a ranged combatant... Anna was honestly in shock.. I didn't realize how much blood was on me while I dragged her to the car.... we got the fuck out of there....


So it's been a couple days... were not on the wanted pages, but Anna decided it's not safe for us to stay in once place for long... the Slenderman seems to want me dead, but doesn't want to do it himself for some reason...

Crash course

Man this kid cracks me up sometimes....

I decided that the kid is going to need some serious combat training after a couple days ago when I woke her help by flipping her bed screaming "ATTACK ME DAMMIT" at the top of my lungs....

And she freaked out and flailed at me about as well as I expected a 15 year old too... which is to say... yeah this kid needs to learn allot, like from the ground up...

When we were not on the road, I've been training her to fight, Just a few things at the time... Starting at the basics, how to throw a punch, she picked up that quickly, at least I don't have to worry her about breaking her thumbs now, though I don't think she's getting behind the part where I started having punching into sandbags to harder up her knuckles quite yet. She's getting good at evading attacks as well. That is unless I stop pulling my speed and toss a full speed punch at her to keep her alert... I know I'm being hard on her, but she *will* die if I don't toughen her up...

I also started teaching her the bare basics of Akido and Kendo, which I'm more or less instructor level in both. for now, she's mostly working on foot movements, and forward rolling in Akido, and as for Kendo, I'm teaching her basic Kata's right now, and the 8 basic swings. Were both using Shinai's, also known as those Bamboo swords you see in anime, great for training, because they don't hurt, we don't have armor, but hell I didn't study with armor either, and pain is a great way to teaching someone to dodge or parry.

Meditation and breathing exercises are also going well, she's understanding quickly the importance of keeping calm and your allowing yourself to clear her head during training, to basically not over think it..

She calls it "channeling her inner airhead" Hey whatever works... Whiles we drive, she reads blogs, absorbs information about the threat were fleeing from, learning everything she can, EverymanHybrid, the Tutorial, learning about the big names, Elaine, Zeke, Dr Cairo, Noah...

Hell she's even learning from Gargoyle and Sane's blogs.... and with all due respect, there fucking crazy nuts... in a good way.

But she also read my blog... she had quite a few questions about me after that...  She asked a few questions I really wasan't ready to answer yet.

A:Does your family know what's going on?
P:No it's for the best there not part of this.
A:So was Ryan really your brother?
P:Yeah the Slenderman confirmed that truth.
A:Do you blame yourself for all those deaths that Ryan caused
P: ....... No comment.......
A:Do you blame your self for Maya and Antonio
P:Change the subject.........
A:It wasn't your fault Pa-
P:CHANGE THE FUCKING SUBJECT!!!!

I didn't handle it well obviously......

Right now were both on the roof of the Hotel were staying at, our stuff is in the car, the sky is clear, and were barely need the blankets here, She's meditating under the moonlight, and to be honest, she actually is starting to look the part of the runner, her bruises are mostly gone, and she now has a short sword of her own, I leaning against a wall, typing this out on a blue-tooth keyboard I managed to get a hold of for the Tablet.

Would I be alive right now if I didn't have her to protect? That's the one question I didn't have a problem answering...

"No Anna... I don't believe I would be"

"Well Batman, I guess I better not pull a Tim Drake on you then"

"Didn't they retcon his death?"

"You can't retcon real life Paul"

"No.. no you can't......"

About Lucia and Ryan.

Not to us this time... This time it happened to a friend of mine, someone who had been great to Antonio and Maya while I was off in Sanctuary.... Tripling on that sweet revenge kick...

Lucia's soon to be husband Ryan is dead.....

Some Muttmen, from what I had gathered was basically some kind of Proxy for the Rake... killed him...

Shit I'm resisting the urge to go back and kill them, were only maybe a hundred or so miles away at this point, at small town called Moundsville... they had a cheep hotel in the area, and a great place for the two of us to plan our next move...


Because I'm not going to drive around the Midwest like some dumb ass and waste a metric shit ton of gas in the process.

Anna, the little dork that she is, actually suggested we go to New England, because hell lets drive up to the neck of the woods where you know, the Cthulhu Mythos is based out of... that's a great idea!

Anyways she's sitting in her bed (Yes I paid for two beds in this room) asking why I'm being quiet... I mean it's great to have a company on my strange journey... but how do I explain that a friend and ally that I actually never met is dead... and that I'm upset about this...

I'm upset because it's a reminder what could happen to all of us... I'm upset because I already lost two friends this week that I only mentioned when she asked who the bloody coat belonged to...I'm upset because this poor girl probably won't live to see 18 if she keeps traveling with me..

Loosing friends I figure, brings out these kinda thoughts in people... I'm going to end this post on that, I'm going to make the kid sleep, and I'm probably going to read a book... I don't sleep anymore if I can help it.....


Bad dreams........